2. You're making love to your partner and they whisper "I've never done this before"   and you yell out "That's a case of beer!"

3. On cloudy/windy days you go to the drop zone anyway and bitch about the weather.

4. You dirt-dive and critique your lovemaking sessions.

5. When giving directions, you stick your head out of the car window and yell "five left" to the driver.

6. Whenever leaving an establishment you yell "door" to all the patrons.

7. You don't own any clothing that you didn't get at a boogie.

8. Every single one of your whuffo friends is at the point of wanting to kill you every time you mention skydiving.

9. You don't have any whuffo friends.

10. You think of Jack Jefferies, Tamara Koyn and Norm Kent as famous.

11. You analyse every flag you see in terms of it's too windy/not windy enough to jump.

12. You analyse every flag you see in terms of which direction you'd face to land.

13. You allow a maximum 55 seconds of 'working time' when making love.

14. You can't think of a good reason to pick up your mail for three weeks after your issues of Skydiving and Sport Parachutist arrive.

15.You feel naked without your rig on.

16. You sign your cheques with your name and D licence number.

17. You know to the tenth of a minute how far it is from your driveway to the drop zone's driveway.

18. Every time someone's beeper goes off you look at your watch to see if it's break-off altitude.

19. You analyse sessions of love-making in terms of points turned.

20. You refer to your recent break-up as an intentional cut-away.

21. You can't remember the true meanings of the words Stiletto, Javelin, Talon and Racer...

22. You show up at the DZ even on the worst weather days because at least you can sit around drinking beer

23. You walk everywhere watching the sky.

24. You instantly "Shhh" the entire room whenever a weather forecast starts.

25. Your wife's gone into labour but you can't leave the DZ before making just one more jump.

26. Your house is being repossessed because you can't pay the mortgage, but you can afford to go on a training camp.

27. You plan all your holidays around skydiving boogies.

28. You know the DZ phone number by heart although you can't remember your boyfriends

29. You've kissed more people in freefall than you have on the ground.

30. You drive a beaten-up old car because you really need that new canopy more.

31. You have no idea what is happening on the weekends in your town.

32. You have more pairs of Tevas and trainers than you do shoes.

33. You catch yourself flaking the bed instead of making it.

34. You wonder what whuffos DO with themselves on gorgeous summer weekends.

35. You forget to lower your voice when talking to your jumper friends in a restaurant about the weekend's lost dildos, loose legstraps and lack of penetration.

36. You refer to Weddings, Funerals, Birthdays etc as Relative Work.

37. You wish for wind, rain, snow, earthquakes, locusts and tornados on days you have to work or have other Relative Work to do.

38. You can't imagine how anyone can go on holiday without a parachute.

39. It's a dark sky with low clouds and you're thinking "Hop n-Pops!"

40. Your rig cost more than anything else you own.

41. Losing your job is a reason for celebration!

42. You wear a skydiving T-shirt and bring a six pack to a job interview.

43. When you buy anything you calculate how many skydives it will cost.

44. You take your rig on commercial passenger flights, just in case.

45. Buying a house seems like a terrible waste of jump money.

46. You log a jump on December 25 and the fact it is Christmas doesn't enter your mind.

47. Your six year old son can teach the first jump course and pack a ram-air parachute.

48. You estimate your chances of pulling off a hard front riser turn when looking out any window above four stories.

49. For male skydivers - you wake up with an erection and immediately know you've been dreaming of that 12-point 8-way.

50. For ladies - you wake up next to an erection but decide you'd rather go skydiving!

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